Show # 86 Jenifer Fox- Your Child’s Strengths

This week’s show features the second half of my interview with Jenifer Fox. Jenifer’s new book, Your Child’s Strengths is one of the best books I’ve read this year, and it provides a blueprint for changing your child’s experience in school. This seems like a radical notion at first, but very small changes, such as looking at your child’s true strengths and giving them opportunities to do what they do best can change the way a child sees themselves and the world.

The Search for Strengths

One of the first steps in finding a child’s strengths starts by talking to them, listening, and looking for some patterns in their natural interests. Jenifer and I talk about how to find out more about your child, and how unstructured time can sometimes be a great place to begin looking and observing your child’s natural interests and proclivities. While there’s a trend to make sure children have structured play and are adequately supervised at all times, this doesn’t give them a lot of time or choice to really discover what makes them special as individuals.

This also means allowing your child to be disappointed and learning how to deal with that- positive psychology and reinforcement is NOT about making their lives perfect and happy all the time, but helping them develop a sense of solving their problems and be willing to take the risks necessary to learn and grow.

If we make our approach in schools more “project-based” (and please, no, I am not recommending any more posters or dioramas on the Book Report for the month…) meaning that children learn from examples and by doing as much as possible, we may be able to make the education they receive more meaningful. By the way, the case-based or project-based learning approach is one used in graduate schools, from business schools to law schools, currently. We just need to begin to apply this to younger students!

We need to collect specific information about what a child does well-this is essential to finding ways to build on the successes, and clues to other talents that might be hidden otherwise.

We also talk about what to do when teacher- student relationships are rocky, and how to go about trying to reach some sort of working relationship- what Nancy Hennessey from the IDA calls “Dystechia” It’s tough, but sometimes it seems we do have to teach our kids how to work the system or play the game. We also talk about the difference between entertainment and engagement, and how teachers need to be able to parse the difference, as do parents.

Recommended books and links in this episode:

The Unhurried Child

Dr. Bob Brooks- Raising a Self-Disciplined Child; Raising Resilient Children

Affinities Program at Purnell School

The Gates Foundation Report on High School Dropouts

Sara Lawrence Lightfoot- The Essential Conversation: What Parents and Teachers Can Learn from Each Other

BBC Article on Basic Sums Stressing Adults

ooVoo- online interactive chat (free service) for up to six people at a time

The Science Leadership Academy in Philadelphia and Chris Lehmann- His blog is Practical Theory

Click here to download Show #86- Jenifer Fox

Jenifer Fox- Your Child's Strengths

Today's show features a really terrific guest- Jenifer Fox-President of the Purnell School, an all-girl's boarding school, and the author of Your Child's Strengths- Discover Them, Develop Them, Use Them. We speak about a range of subjects, but the most important one of all is how critically important it is to emphasize your child's true talents and strengths.

(Oddly enough, I had an opportunity just 36 hours later to put this advice to work. One of the boy's midterm report came back, and the news was, at best, mixed and not what he had led us to believe it would be. Rather than getting angry, as he expected, I sat down with him and we used it as an opportunity to learn. What had been going well, and what had not? Which study methods had been panning out, and which were not working so well for him? Instead of using this as an opportunity to make the kid feel worse- (he was doing a pretty good job all on his own of being disappointed and needed no help on that score from anyone), we chose instead to decide together, with him, what we could do differently that would help him.)

If you get a chance, I urge you to read Jenifer Fox's book, Your Child's Strengths. Give it to teachers you know. We all need to begin to change the tide in education, and part of this change starts with identifying what's good in each person, and finding ways of making them feel successful.

Kids face a daily birage currently of what they do wrong- the Gates Foundation reports that many high school dropouts are not dropping out because of anti-social behavior, but because they're bored and fail to see the relevance in the education they are receiving. We need to start making a change now, to keep kids in school, to make school a meaningful experience that sets kids up to be life long learners and problem solvers.



Click here to download Show # 85- Jenifer Fox- Your Child's Strengths